Roller Coasting Along...

The two three week torturing is almost over, I think.... J and I originally agreed that we would wait till Day 12 after ovulation to test, but neither of us were successful at waiting that long. I kept feeling some symptoms that could be ambiguous with premenstrual OR pregnancy, obviously I we hoped for the latter. I tested Day 11, 12, 13 and 15 all BFNs....

On Friday (Day 15 after ovulation) we kinda gave up about thinking I was pregnant, so we had a bbq, drank a couple beers, and enjoyed the weekend. I was still somewhat symptomatic, but by Monday night when I started "spotting" I figured Tuesday was going to be Day 1 of my cycle and I would get an appointment with Dr. K to prescribe another round of clomid.

On Tuesday, I had 2 days of minimal spotting, unlike a normal start to a cycle. Dr. K did an ultrasound, asking all types of questions:
"Is this a normal cycle?"
"I wonder why your lining is so thick?"
"You took a pregnancy test, right?"

You see how all those questions provide a glimmer of hope,  despite knowing even if I was pregnant, it might not be viable. But still....

He also said that my left ovary had three enlarged follicles that could be the result of my period starting and they would be flushed away, or they were putting off estrogen, possibly the reason why my cycle has been a week late. If they were putting off estrogen we would have to wait to inseminate so the clomid didn't make it worse.

He ordered a blood test to screen for pregnancy, FSH,and  estrogen levels. Late last night, I got an email from the lab, stating that my estrogen and FSH levels were normal. The last unanswered question would be whether or not the blood test detected pregnancy....still waiting....

J convinced me to take a pregnancy test last night. Well, I bartered with her and got a massage and Starbucks at my request.

The test was a BFN.... I kind of thought it would be negative, which made me wish that my cycle would start and we could begin making plans for this month's insemination.

This morning I started my period, at least I think. It is more normal than the past two days, but I can't be certain exactly what is going on until I hear from the Dr., and see if today continues on to menstruate....

My mom summed it up best, "Kel, this has been quite a bizarre roller coaster ride, hasn't it?" Yes it has mom.

On the other hand J and I are in very good, optimistic spirits. I don't mean optimistic that I'm pregnant and going to have a baby in 9 months, but optimistic about us being able to start fulfilling more of our family dreams, and making a baby together. More than anything, I'm grateful that we continue to openly communicate all of our feelings, despite the fact that they might differ from each other. We have a foundation of honesty and compassion. There isn't anyone else I'd want to ride this roller coaster with.

We also have a pretty fantastic support network around us, including the donor, so it is nice we can share our thoughts and feelings with them as well.  I'm thankful for that.