I often think about updating this blog, but either because I'm not near a computer or I don't feel as if I have anything blog worthy to say, I end up not doing anything... The truth is, although I don't talk about it all the time, it is always under the surface. Under the surface you are aching to know if this month will be the end of this journey and the beginning of another, you wonder if anyone can see through you and just how often you think about getting pregnant, in fact you even consider the fact that everyone asks you questions about it and you appear to be optimistic, but can they see through that?
It's not that I'm negative about this journey, and rationally I know this is just month number 2, considering after surgery you have to essentially start over. Friends are pregnant, friends have infants, coworkers speak about their little ones, and although I have little H, I didn't get to experience the pregnancy or infant part. I want that.
Yes I know I'm supposed to exercise patience, and remember that it will happen when the time is right...blah blah blah....I want it now.... In my life it doesn't seem like there could be a better time and yet, here I wait, because I truly have no control over biology.
Yesterday was Day 12 past ovulation and I tested negative. Today I chose not to test, and symbolically I may be holding out for 5/18, that day is a special bonding day between myself and another mama who is about to pop... maybe I just need to relax and not think about it so much? That is like telling a woman on a diet not to dream about chocolate or any other foods. Have you ever met me? I am a thinker, there is no way around it.
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